Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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