My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
