I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
