I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
