Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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