I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
