theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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