Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
