I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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