I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
