I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
