I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
