Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
