I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
