So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
