Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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