When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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