I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
