Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
