i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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