Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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