Are we in a gay sports bar?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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