Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
