wakey wakey hands off snakey
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
