Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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