then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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