If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
