how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
