when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
