So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
