I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
