would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
