I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
