Your dad touched me again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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