Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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