just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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