Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
