Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
