OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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