You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
