I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
