I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we made out on top of his cat.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
