Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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