Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Boobs are out for the taking
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
