You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
