college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
