try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you will always have a special place in my vag
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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