i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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