needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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