respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
