OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
