i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
