fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
